Nothing New Here

Dear Diary,
Sometimes it's hard to see our own struggles. I may know that all is not well, but I am not able to identify exactly what has put my heart on edge. In this situation, so many thoughts and speculations swirl throughout my brian that it is hard to pinpoint just one that operates as the access point for all the rest.

Last week, in small group (my very last, by the way) we were all struggling with frustration and stress. Instead of venting and whining for two hours (like normal :), Jeni came up with the idea to write them down and them burn them, in symbolic release of the situations and emotions that are weighing us down.

With my pen to paper and a need to formalize what I was struggling with, I began to write... The list looked something like this:

FEAR of failure
FEAR of regret
FEAR of loneliness
FEAR of change

To be honest the list was much longer on that piece of paper but every line began with the common thread...FEAR. Who knew?

In retrospect, I am a little ashamed I had not discovered this sooner. It was plain as day... every emotion that weighed me down was stemming from a fear.

I have been thinking about fear...

"I tell you, my friends, do not fear those who kill the body, and after that have nothing more that they can do. But I will warn you whom to fear: fear him who, after he has killed, has authority to cast into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him! Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows"...

And he said to his disciples, "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds!

And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith!

And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you.

Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions, and give to the needy. Provide yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."
Luke 10:4-7, 22-34

Wow, God. You have a lot to say about this....

So first of all, what business do I have fearing my circumstances when God clearly says that the only thing I should be fearing is He who runs the show!

Secondly, how can I fear if I know that God has called me to this next step and He has continually promised to take care of me?

I mean I know what this is, this fear is a lack of trust. It shows my inability to let go and allow God to take care of me.

TRUST. Sounds familiar. I seem to remember admitting this problem before... I guess that is why I made it my word for the year.

Nothing new here!