at a loss

I don't really know what to say... and certainly not because I don't have anything to say, but because I am so overwhelmed by all that I need to get off my chest.

This is a preverbal roller coaster ride of emotions. One day you are flying high on your hopes and dreams, the next you are bawling your eyeballs out to a sad tune.

One thing is for sure: grad school is what I thought it would be, I am just not sure if I am ready for it.

I signed up for this because I knew I needed a challenge and I knew I wanted to be pushed. Now that I am face to face with that challenge it is incredibly tempting to run. Run where?

The reality is I would never do such a thing... you know Laura, responsible, dependable, reliable... not going anywhere. That's the real scary part.

To add to the emotional chaos, I need some friends. And not the random people you meet... but the ones you can call when you need to be encouraged... the ones who will call you for more than a drinking buddy. I know it will come with time.

The separation isn't as devastating as you might think... although a Big Jerk burrito would be really nice... it's the lack of new connection. Who really makes that in a week though?

The bottom line is that all is well. I am looking forward to this challenge. It is not a coincidence... I have been placed here and God is going to do some amazing work in me. I chased my lion to DC (Read "In a Pit With a Lion on a Snowy day" by Mark Batterson, the pastor of NCC, my church here, to get the reference) and the hard part isn't over. It is probably just beginning.