What!?

I don’t think many people know this about me, but I am a daydreamer.
My mind regularly wanders into what could be, what might have been…
I have determined this is an unhealthy practice and have attempted multiple times to change my habits but I have yet to be successful.

I guess the danger of living in ‘what if’s’ is that you could become so caught up is what was/is not, that you miss what IS. The reality is that what IS, is rarely worse than what could be. God provides a rather full and adventurous life for me. But, for some reason, I still refuse to live completely in what God has blessed me with. I wander into what he COULD have blessed me with, not that it is even preferable…. Does this even make sense!? Because it doesn’t to me, and yet I continue to do it.

“What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary. But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. “ Romans 7:15-20

I guess I am not alone. This is not an isolated struggle. I wish that made me feel better.