Countdown to the Inevitable Not Preferred

So it's been pretty tough to go to work for the last few weeks...
I guess it is because I know that the end is near and it's hard to take ownership of the work when you know it won't be yours much longer.

Now we have reached the last week/week-and-a-half... and it has sifted slightly. Now it is with a slight twinge of melancholy that I savor the last few days.

My job has been good to me for more than 2 and a half years. I have invested a lot into it and without a single regret. Now this chapter is closing and part of me is having a hard time letting go.
I hate the thought that the world will keep on spinning without me, that when I return things will be different, never the same again.
You would think by this point in my life I would have accepted this reality. In fact, I can’t really remember it bothering my quite so significantly in the past. It seems I have reached a point in which something is different.

Anyway, We must accept what the future holds and learn to make the best of it… and there is a lot of good to be found.

CHAOS

So what happens when you wake up one morning and realize the life you really want [are meant for!?] is nothing like the one you have been pursuing?


That’s not the case here…. I was just wondering.
Honestly, though… who HASN’T this happened to?


How many people suddenly realize that what they have been working for is not what they want? At least 75% of college students realize this before they graduate. I guess it’s a necessary step in life, a rite of passage of sorts… but it doesn’t make it any less annoying.


If you are like me, you don’t mind change; you just don’t like your plans being messed up. I really don’t mind change; I just prefer change that is a part of my plan. Make sense?
Of course not.

It is so easy to get caught up in going through the motions you forget to check yourself, where is my passion? What is my purpose? Am I listening to God?

Dear Lord, let us not lose sight of you. My life is a love song to you…

What!?

I don’t think many people know this about me, but I am a daydreamer.
My mind regularly wanders into what could be, what might have been…
I have determined this is an unhealthy practice and have attempted multiple times to change my habits but I have yet to be successful.

I guess the danger of living in ‘what if’s’ is that you could become so caught up is what was/is not, that you miss what IS. The reality is that what IS, is rarely worse than what could be. God provides a rather full and adventurous life for me. But, for some reason, I still refuse to live completely in what God has blessed me with. I wander into what he COULD have blessed me with, not that it is even preferable…. Does this even make sense!? Because it doesn’t to me, and yet I continue to do it.

“What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary. But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. “ Romans 7:15-20

I guess I am not alone. This is not an isolated struggle. I wish that made me feel better.

What I Will Miss Most

You might assume that once I depart this fair town of Wilmington, North Carolina I might anticipate the sadness come from dislocating yourself from family you have always had as a active part of your everyday life... or the many wonderful friends who have been a part of your journey...

I have to admit, this is not what I consider my biggest losses. I know this is incredibly insensitive and most likely shows a significant personal deficit... but the way I see it, you can talk to family on the phone., people can come visit you, relationships can be maintained… BUT, there are two things that will not stand the test of distance.

Number One: and most obvious to anyone who has spent any amount of time with my, my home away from home… Flaming Amy’s Burrito Barn. The irony of my attachment to a ‘semi’ fast-food joint is quite humorous. But, I find it hard to imagine going a week, much less a month or many without homemade tortilla chips with pineapple salsa. Completely sick, I know.

Number Two: Port City Community Church. I still think it’s funny that this community of people existed many years before I discovered them. Sometimes I wonder how my life would be different if I had discovered them earlier. But no use on dwelling what wasn’t meant to be. I am convinced that no body can replace PC3 in my heart, but I have come to realize that is not the goal. A new community, that suits a new phase in my life will have to be discovered.

I am copping with my losses. The thought of no more burrito –the-size-of-your-face-and-stuffed-with-wonderful-goodies and the amazingly REAL and humble teachings of Mike Ashcraft… is becoming easier to bear. I mean, there is always DHL and podcasts, right?